How a nice restaurant you booked will completely ruin your wedding anniversary

WAITING for a romantic dinner to celebrate your relationship? Here’s how the fancy restaurant you’ve chosen will ruin your special night.

Extremely attentive staff

Stating that it’s your anniversary will make you the target of a tip-hungry officer before you even sit down. They’ll make you taste the wine before you pour, as if you were an experienced sommelier, not someone who just buys a bottle with the prettiest label and pops in every three minutes to check if your food is okay. You’ll want to tell them to freak out, but that will ruin the romantic vibe.

Overpriced menu

You thought it would be nice to take your partner somewhere fancy, but they were horrified by the prices and wanted you to invest in a new boiler. You end up ordering an appetizer and a glass of wine each, then spend the rest of your meal cringing at the disdainful stares from the maitre d’ whenever he passes your table.

Musicians

You thought a live jazz band would be fun, but in reality they’re so loud and ringing that you and your partner can’t hold a conversation. You end up sitting together in abject silence as the drummer plays an epic avant-garde free jazz solo, then is expected to politely clap like he didn’t just steal ten minutes of your only precious life on this earth.

Dress code

You’re not usually a fan of elegant dresses, but jeans and sneakers won’t be appropriate at the venue you’ve booked. Instead, you and your partner squeeze into the clothes you last wore to your wedding four years ago and spend the evening feeling fat, uncomfortable and paranoid that you’re about to spill tomato bouillabaisse on the only nice piece of clothing you own .

Other eateries

Even though you and your partner genuinely love each other, you always feel that a couple playing at the next table shows their affection better. However, watching them shove their fingers into each other’s lunch and then into each other’s mouths makes you glad you’re leaving with each other.