Welcome to our regular roundup of the jokes that made us laugh the most over the past seven days. We encourage you to read it without stopping – and not out loud, because not all of them are safe for work… or commuting.
1.
how long has gwyneth paltrow been detoxing she probably has nothing left at this point where will it end
— Molly Goodfellow (@hansmollman) March 14, 2023
2.
daytime drama ad breaks: take a cruise, plan a funeral, buy a motorized chair, do it now, you don’t have much time
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) March 15, 2023
3.
I ask for shower gel and they bring me napalm.
Wonderful. pic.twitter.com/CDwmwvddDg— Ina (@thatcymraes) March 14, 2023
4.
If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I’m really going to need someone to clean up my eBay history. pic.twitter.com/T3BqKaDTRP
– Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) March 15, 2023
5.
He was a tough Parisian private operator. She was a Home County woman who made her own jams for the church festival. And when they got together, that’s it!
This autumn on ITV. pic.twitter.com/XPHrCCmqH0
— Beau (@DrBeauBeaumont) March 12, 2023
6.
Not to live up to the London stereotype BUT I have just introduced myself to my new neighbors who are moving in… only to find out they are actually my current neighbors who have lived next door to me for four years and are moving out
— Gareth King (@garethking_) March 15, 2023
7.
U @waitrose you can buy an empty jam jar for £2 or the same one full of jam for £1.71. Your turn… pic.twitter.com/z3qOzSkKWU
— DavidJWood (@RedWoodyLFC) March 13, 2023
8.
Great semicolon, but I don’t know if that makes sense. If you’ve never lost it, “still have it” is the same sentence, surely? Unless you lost it for a while and recovered it. I don’t know “it”, so I’m neutral here. pic.twitter.com/KUPnyY5k8f
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) March 14, 2023
9.
Eighteen Ronnie pic.twitter.com/k0ESFtwhsU
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) March 14, 2023
10.
Looking online for coconut oil in conditioner and checking reviews. One person gave it 1 star because “I don’t like this product because it smells awful, but I don’t like coconut.” and now I just sit here between laughter and despair.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 13, 2023
11.
“I really like you, can I take you out to dinner”
Sir if you really liked me you would send lunch to my house and let me be pantsless instead of creating a food hostage situation
– the cheerful wolf was moderately amused (@ModeratelyMused) March 16, 2023
12.
The use of the singular here gives the impression that we are talking about a specific, apparently immortal wolf who was previously exiled for some wrongdoing pic.twitter.com/pLxM7ZWzf3
– Sunny month
(@SunshineMoonRX) March 15, 2023
Post Our 25 favorite funny tweets of the week first appeared on Pok.
