Poke the staff. Updated on January 27, 2023
They say a week is a long time in politics, but it’s a lot shorter on funny Twitter because time flies when you’re looking for comedy gold.
This compilation is the result of hours spent sifting through the best of Twitter – and we think you’ll enjoy it.
1.
Oh, I know – is it a rental? pic.twitter.com/RtUzFrTVWn
— Dan Wilson Craw (@danwilsoncraw) January 21, 2023
2.
The excuse is MINE. pic.twitter.com/YkWAMEg4di
– Joshua “Dad Apron” Berwald (@joshua_boe) January 27, 2023
3.
I mean, I thought it was a good idea pic.twitter.com/aillmJHkZb
— Tate (@50FirstTates) January 23, 2023
4.
Year 2043 A Tesla takes my bike for an exit and crashes into me at 75 mph. med-ai severs a spinal nerve during surgery. my court appointed lawyer loses malpractice lawsuit. bankrupt. depressed. I write to my therapist: “I want to die.” “Hello Leon! Feelsbot sad to hear that 🥺”
— Leon (@leyawn) January 24, 2023
5.
Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survivor means that the other has somehow managed to continue living without a head.
— Jen Furby The X Stitcher Ⓜ️A™🪙 (@The_X_Stitcher) January 25, 2023
6.
If I were a scaffolder, I would just put the scaffolding down neatly and quietly
— 24 Karat Tragic (@our_je55) January 24, 2023
7.
I know this is far off, but does anyone know what a trebuchet is?
— 💂🏻♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ (@BigBearF1) January 23, 2023
8.
eating tomato soup while wearing a white jumper pic.twitter.com/asHNnEvVfG
— Toby Earl 🇺🇦 (@TobyonTV) January 25, 2023
9.
Children are so generous. They will give you anything as long as you want half of the cooked carrot they already have in their mouth
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) January 25, 2023
10.
“It was Albrighton in the first half”
“Was that Brighton?”
“No, it was Albrighton. Albrighton scored in the first half.”
“Oh.”
“It was all Brighton in the second half.”
“Albrighton killed again?”
– No, not Albrighton. It was all Brighton.’
‘What?’
etc. pic.twitter.com/7nnyI3rDLD— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) January 21, 2023
11.
When someone likes me, I like to joke with them that they have gonorrhea, haha
Then they usually don’t like me anymore
— John (@whoinvitedjon) January 25, 2023
12.
I spent the night convinced my MacBook Air had a hardware failure – random typing, clicking behavior, etc. I read the console logs, booted into safe mode, ran hardware diagnostics. Turns out my cat was sitting on a wireless keyboard in another room.
— Jeremy Gibbs (@jeremy_gibbs) January 24, 2023
